Out Out Damn Bastard
About two weeks ago, one of our pals got dumped by a man who
(1) has hair plugs,
(2) has no credit so mooches off his ex's apartment,
(3) has teeth that would embarass Steve Buscemi and
it turns out....
a whole other girlfriend.
Unfortunately after the fact, we found a book that would have saved her A LOT of grief.
Let us quote Adele Lang and Susi Rajah's How To Spot A Bastard By His Star Sign,
"to say Sagittarius has a
deep- rooted fear of monogamy is to say Salman Rushdie is slightly perturbed about dying."
Now ...now... this is not a male bashing HipBites.
(54% of the HipSet are boys...
not to mention our testosterone laden senior editor would quit and our CTO could shut us down...)
but this
is the funniest dating mis-advice we've ever read.
We don't happen to believe in The Rules or The Code.
Those are for idiot Bachelor/ette - Joe Millionaire aspiring contenders.
After all, we're the kind who celebrate Valentine's with Pat Field and K- Y,
(and who has time to play games when you're attending Grammy parties??)
but if you've ever found
yourself singing Survivor's "The Search is Over" after ten Yuenglings (or Anchor Steam if you're on the West Coast),
have we got a book for you.
Cleanly sorting all the signs into:
We're- Hot- So- Shut- Up- And- Worship- Us Fire Signs
(Aries, Leo, Sagittarius: Out of control control freaks.)
Hi- We're- The- Most- Boring- Men- On Earth Signs
(Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn: Who wants to date someone only your mother could love?)
We- Love- You- We- Love- You- Not Air Signs
(Gemini, Libra, Aquarius:
Ask them to commit to anything larger than a lunch and they'll literally
disappear into thin air.)
Don't Hate Us- 'Cos- We're- All- Wet Water Signs
(Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces: For "deep, sensitive, and sensual" read
"secretive, paranoid and seriously perverted.")
...our favourite is How To Spot An Aries Bastard;
"Throw peanuts. If he catches them in his mouth,
he's probably Aries. But if he starts beating his chest and picking lint off your clothes, he's
definitely Aries."
We're always saying the HipSet should have an advantage, whether at the velvet rope... or in this
case, with matters of control freaks, serial killers, uh,
matters of the heart...Boys and Girls: Sort out who really is the most suitable
bastard -eh- mate for yourself.
You have a year to save yourself from spending Valentine's Day 2004 with someone who has hair plugs.
How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign at Amazon.com
